apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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