She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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