my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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