your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
