Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
