Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
