Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
