I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
