i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
