I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
