its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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