If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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