my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
