I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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