why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
