Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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