Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
