It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
