my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nutella sex= disaster
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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