I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
