I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
