3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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