Your tits are I can't wait for
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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