I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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