if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dicks are not precious.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
