Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
