I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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