At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
