Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Green mimosas i think yes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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