I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
