My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
