I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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