Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
