Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
