people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
