his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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