He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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