**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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