girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
