Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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