yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
