Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
