guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
