Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I believe in your delicious
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
