Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You need a sexual gate keeper
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
