dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
