I never want to see another naked old woman again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
