Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
