Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
