Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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